Pure Nonsense: The Courtship Idealism That Failed

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I’m sure you are familiar with them, you know, that family who has a life that resembles a Thomas Kinkade painting, always so idyllic and cute. In fact, they are so adorable they are annoying. This sort of charmed life comes a sort of “holier than thou” smugness. Sure, they are too perfect to say it outright, they always religiously maintain that facade of sweetness, but they often have the easy answers that often betray their true cluelessness.

I can recall, for example, a lovely twenty-something, themselves engaged, who with complete sincerity suggested that my romantic struggles may be God’s will for me to remain single. They themselves successful because of their endearing charm and connections (which to them meant divine favor) whereas my own inability to navigate was to be taken equally as a sign. Apparently they worship the God of circumstances, one that absolved them of any responsibility to help those less fortunate—other than to offer some words of encouragement and advice.

Anyhow, thank God that doctors do not subscribe to a similar thought process: “We know you are lots of pain, broken legs are not easy for sure, but have you ever considered that it might not be God’s will for you to walk? Here’s an ice cube, I suck on one of these when I’m feeling down and out…” That sort of response would probably fall under the category of medical malpractice. Likewise, the advice of those who heap a burden on the shoulders of others and yet are unwilling to lift a finger to help (Matt. 23:4) are guilty of spiritual malpractice:

“Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” (James 2:15‭-‬17 NIV)

The passage above, from James, contrasts the mere words of the pretentious and the gritty hands-on sacrificial love that true faith requires. Talk is cheap, my darlings. And what my advice giver really meant to say is that they were unwilling to pull out all the stops on my behalf, they themselves were comfortable with my circumstances as they had persisted for years and thus they were unwilling to confront the prejudices or cultural assumptions that had made an impossible hurdle for me. But, rather than take personal responsibility for their own indifference towards my plight, they turned it into God’s will.

The Courtship Idealism That Failed…

When the news of the separation of Joshua Harris from his wife of over twenty years reached me this week it was hard not to connect it back to the courtship ideal he expressed many years ago. Harris, a “purity culture” advocate, rose to prominence in fundamentalist churches for his book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” published in 1997. In this book unmarried Harris promoted a model of courtship that was supposed to lead to happily ever after and instead left many of us outside looking in—unable to overcome this stumbling block put in our path.

The Harris model of courtship required a level of commitment that, for the less beautiful and bold, made it virtually impossible for many of us to get started. This absurdly increased threshold of commitment meant that unmarried women, even in their mid or late twenties, refuse to go so much as a coffee date with an eligible bachelor for fear that it could lead to ‘defilement’ or marriage. The horrors of being sucked into a commitment after finding out that slightly awkward guy is a lovable child of God! I mean, isn’t that what King Solomon had in mind by “guard your heart”?

(I have about 1000 reasons to doubt that interpretation.)

Pushers of purity culture didn’t necessarily intend their model as a panacea. I’m guessing Harris and others would deny that there were guarantees of success that accompanied following their prescribed methods. I’m also pretty sure they did not anticipate the unintended consequences and damage caused by their teachings either. Nevertheless, they did “tie up the heavy, cumbersome loads” of fear and many have failed to find meaningful relationship with their religious counterparts as a result. It undoubtedly contributed to my own woes.

Sure, some, including Mr Harris, were able to get through this courtship minefield. However, that doesn’t mean it produced that perfect marriage as was promised by their courtship prescription. However, formulas aren’t going to produce happiness through the years and struggle of a marriage. If anything they built up impossible expectations for married life in the same way that they did for dating relationships and leads to future disappointment. At very least, while unwarranted confidence is attractive, nobody wants to be married to someone with all the answers.

True Faith Comes Through Struggle…

For all of us who weren’t born into a Precious Moments world, who had to beg and plead, compete against the odds, claw for inches at a time, to earn our small measure of success, we can’t simply rely on circumstances. Our Pollyannaish notions of destiny and love have always went up against the headwinds of fear and brick-wall after brick-wall of rejection. We weren’t born tall, extraordinarily handsome or especially wise. If we were wait for our dreams to arrive on a silver platter we would never get anywhere.

If we were fatalists and shared the mechanical view of God’s will of those who depend on circumstances rather than faith, the faith of those who “ask, knock and seek” (Matt. 7:7-12) that Jesus described, then we could also blame circumstances for our not getting out of bed anymore. I can assure you of this, there were days where I had fight to continue, where it was only the love of another person that kept me going, and that’s what real faith is. Real faith is having the guts to face down the impossible.

The cutesy patootsy life doesn’t actually require any faith, sacrifice or grace. Everything depends on their good feelings and God’s will mysteriously never goes against their own expectations. And it works until they face that first real test. When those delusions of “meant to be” are replaced with the reality of failure. I pity those who get the rug yanked out from under their idealism at a later age. That is why I pray that Mr Harris and his family find God’s grace is sufficient even when things do not go as planned.

We need fewer books giving advice. We definitely need less advice from single men, with their graceless formulas (*ahem* Bill Gothard, are you listening?), and more faith of real action. Being a best-selling author at twenty-one might be a thrill and even good for your chances of getting married. My question is what did these idealistic men do to help others across that impossibly high threshold they created? In the end what matters is what we do to help others carry their burden.

It’s time to kiss the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” goodbye. A courtship ideal cannot prevent divorce and it seems to more often prevent marriage. It is faith of action, not a courtship ideal, that makes a successful loving relationship possible. A faith that is willing to sacrifice, truly sacrifice, for the good of another person. A faith that makes the impossible possible rather than blame God’s plan for our own unwillingness to intervene on behalf of others.

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The A B C’s of Financial Success

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Recently, while applying for a loan, I received a compliment for my great credit score. It felt good, it was a reward for years of financial discipline, and will afford me some opportunities that would not be available otherwise.

However, I’m aware that many others struggle in this regard and, worse, when good advice is shared many would rather shoot the messenger (and score cheap political points) than promote what would actually help many people if applied.

So, at risk of my neck, I’ve decided to give some free advice.

Attitude Adjustment: Take Responsibility for Your Financial Future

One of the biggest mistakes I made early on in life was to waste time hoping for some big break, I would look at those who had more than me with envy and then blow paychecks on useless things.

Had I been more able to reign in my attitude then I may be more like a millionaire friend I have. Instead of complaining about his lot in life, he saved everything he could, bought a double and started earning rental income, as a teenager.

There is no easy road to success, but if you start taking responsibility for your own financial future today your life will become easier tomorrow and it all starts with attitude. If you have a poor attitude you will justify bad financial choices and sabotage the only real chance of success you have.

Future success almost always requires sacrifice in the present. It could mean getting your CDL or going to college and working two jobs. It may mean saying “no” to your friends when they ask you to go to Europe with them. One must temper their current hedonistic impulses and shift the balance towards the future.

Better Balance: Save Every Penny That You Can Today and Invest in Your Future

Saving is a necessary discipline for financial success. If you work for minimum wage at McDonald’s and insist on having the latest iPhone then you will likely remain very poor until you start making wiser investments. Those who spend everything they earn on things not absolutely necessary to survive are sacrificing their future success for trinkets.

To gain wealth one must invest in things that will bring a return. That Grande Salted Caramel Mocha might make you feel good for a couple moments and seem completely worth the money spent—until you consider the opportunity cost.

Over the long-term, a daily $4.00 coffee habit can become very expensive. In ten years that is $14,560 spent on a path to early onset diabetes. Had you taken that same money and invested it, at a 10% rate of return, you would have around $25,000 in cash and a down payment for a modest home and all because you quit Starbucks—can you imagine what would be possible if you quit steak dinners, beer, lottery tickets, and movies?

Of course, there is always a case to be made for enjoying the present moment, but one can often accomplish that end at a far lower cost and may even learn to enjoy saving in the same way someone can eventually take pleasure in going to the gym. At very least, moving the balance even a little in the direction of saving and investing is far better than the pain of dependency and debt.

Credit Control: Never EVER Buy Anything An Credit That Depreciates in Value

Having a balance carry over on a credit card is a terrible financial sin. If you can’t afford to pay the full balance of your Visa at the end of each month, then cut it up and use your debit card or plain old cash instead. It is completely insane how so many Americans sell themselves so willingly into debt slavery for things they really don’t need.

This is the one thing that I did well (for the most part with a few exceptions) and is probably why my credit score is as good as it is. I was always absolutely terrified of debt and for good reason. I may have blown too much money on frivolous things like performance car parts, but at least I’m not still paying interest on it today, own far more than I owe and am well above the median net worth for people my age despite my salary being average.

The only time a person should ever consider taking on debt is for something necessary that will appreciate in value. For example, real estate is something that stands a chance of gaining value over time. And, even then, one should take on debt with the upmost caution and realizing that their current circumstances could change. Any investment always comes with risk and that risk must always be fully accounted for before signing the loan contract.

But, at very very least, never ever borrow money for something like clothing, furniture or even a car, at least not money you cannot pay back in a month or two because that momentary happiness of something new will soon become a massive ball and chain of financial obligation. There is so much more pleasure in paying cash for something you’ve wanted than there is in paying a monthly bill for something you did not need and is now worth next to nothing for resale value.

Do Not Be Discouraged!

Finally, setbacks and struggle are part of the road to success, expect it!

For a young person, without a silver spoon in their mouth, the climb up the learning curve is often very steep. This is why there are so many who, comparing themselves to people years older, give up, cry “it’s not fair!” and become pawns to political opportunists who exploit poverty for votes.

But, take it from me, someone who did not win the lottery of life, who couldn’t afford college, had a few setbacks and still made it.

No, I’m not wealthy, at least not by American standards, but I am very comfortable.

I own a small house, a rental, two late model cars (both paid off) and no problem eating out on a regular basis. I have made slow and steady progress over the years, and will likely work until I am unable to get out of bed anymore, nonetheless, it is progress and puts me far ahead of those less disciplined.

My only real regret, financially speaking, is that I did not put these A, B, C’s to more use at an earlier age—because I might very well be a multi-millionaire today had I done so!

Mennonite Values and Love That Transcends Difference

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The other day it occurred to me that many of my most faithful Mennonite friends married across divisions of ethnicity and race.  In fact, three out of the three friends I was with yesterday are married to women who were born in foreign countries and later became US citizens.

Interracial marriage is not unusual in modern America anymore.  A full 17% of newlyweds in the United States married across racial or ethnic lines according to Pew Research Center.  This has been a steady trend for many decades and with this increase in interracial marriages the stigma has decreased—only a small percentage of Americans remain opposed to marriages across racial lines.

Mildred and Richard Loving who, in 1967, refused to be separated even when facing prison time.

Mennonites have tended to lag behind the general population in many regards and this is one of those areas.  It was only a few years ago that my Mennonite pastor (educated at Bob Jones University where interracial relationships were banned until the 1990’s) cautioned me against this kind of relationship citing cultural differences.  It is probably safe to assume that his views are not unusual in the conservative end of the Mennonite denomination.

Have Mennonites have began to catch up with the mainstream?

I know that interracial dating was unusual and even discouraged in the Mennonite church of my youth.  That is why my realization about so many of my friends being married interracially was astonishing to me.  I’m not sure if it is only a local anomaly or a general across-the-board trend.  However, I do know that there were very few others in the conservative Mennonite church when I was in a romantic relationship with a black woman just over a decade ago.

Some of it could be explained by inner-city outreach projects.  Typically Mennonites have been raised in rural parts of the country and sheltered from non-Mennonites.  My own experience was slightly different due to my public school education, which likely made me more open to relationships outside of my own ethnic group (my first real crush was not a Mennonite or white girl) and yet many of my religious peers caught up with a bit of exposure to the world outside their ethnic enclaves.  Followers of Jesus Mennonite Church (in Brooklyn, New York) accounts for many of the relationships across racial lines that I know about in the more traditional end of the denomination.

But, before anyone gets too excited, this does not mean attitudes have changed much with most conservative Mennonites.  I have heard many young men (who likely have not met too many girls besides their sisters or cousins) state that they would not be interested in dating a girl of a different race.  It is probably even less acceptable for a Mennonite female to marry outside her ethnic fold, and many of the couples in interracial relationships do not remain Mennonite.

Generally one cannot deviate too far from the Mennonite cultural norm and expect to be embraced.  It was hard enough for me, a Mennonite guy with some unorthodox views, to find a girl born in a Mennonite home that would give me the time of day.  I could not imagine being a convert from outside trying to get a date with someone of a popular family with an established Mennonite pedigree.

Mennonites barely have the faith to ask or date anyone—let alone someone who doesn’t meet a long list of qualifications, race and ethnicity likely included.

Why do some Mennonites marry across racial or ethnic lines?

One thing my friends have in common is that they married older.  I do not see them as purposefully trying to find girls from a different ethnic group or race either.  Most of them are down to earth and practical guys who found a girl who gave them a chance and connected with them.  It seems that girls from non-Mennonite background are more willing to be friends first, are less driven by impossible purity culture ideals, and much more appreciative of a guy who treats them with respect—even if he is not tall, smug or otherwise full of himself…

By all appearances, those Mennonites marrying across racial lines are not trying to make a political statement.  Ironically, the virtue-signaling types (the most outspoken cradle Mennonites about racial issues) seem to marry the whitest and then preach to everyone else about about being more accepting of immigrants, etc.  Those actually marrying across racial lines, on the other hand, are doing it for pragmatic reasons and real love for the person they married rather than to be superior to anyone else or prove anything about themselves.  And that’s not to say my friends will not defend their wives and children from racists—they might not be vocal or making a show of it, but are solid men and their loved ones not to be trifled with.

Those who married across racial lines seemed motivated truly by love.  They would have likely also married someone of their own ethnicity or race had the right circumstances come along.  But, that said, they are extraordinary, they married out of a love that could transcend superficial differences and therefore their relationships have a potential others do not.  They were willing to go outside of the conventional ideals of their parent’s generation, even of their religious peers, and may have even faced some extra resistance along the way.  That may be why they are some of the most loyal, caring and mature people that I know—they are simply willing to go in love where others have not.

My recommendation to those on the fence…

Those advising against interracial dating often don’t have a clue what they are talking about.  Yes, there are differences to overcome, but that is also true of any committed relationship and it certainly is not reason to quit before you started.  Go on some dates, find out if your personalities compliment or collide and then decide your next step—is that really too difficult or complicated?

It does not seem that my friends who married interracially regret their choice.  I do know there are a number of those who married ethnic Mennonites who have had second thoughts.  Indeed, sometimes those seemingly perfect candidates (according to Mennonite cultural ideals) are not what they appear to be at first glance and pleasing their near-impossible standards can be a real headache.  So, if it is a choice between being taken for granted by some entitled brat or more fully appreciated by someone who has seen real struggle in their lives, isn’t the right choice obvious enough?

Take my advice guys.  Stop pining for that girl that snubbed your first inquiry.  If she didn’t see your interest in her as reason enough to go on a date or two, then she isn’t worth any more of your time.  Quit being a pathetic lapdog.  That will only feed her sense that you have nothing to offer her (that she can’t already have) and further convince her that she is out of your league.  Be a man, go where you are needed in the world, be a real leader, move on.

For those girls who have never been asked, same deal.  Broaden your horizons, stop trying to please people who don’t lift a finger on your behalf, and you might soon find there are many faithful Christians who don’t have a familiar Mennonite surname.

Godly character, not skin color or religious pedigree, is what makes a marriage work.

Faith is a persistent…

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Watch this video: Ormie the pig

I think most of us can identify with the visible struggle of the little pig persistently working hard to find a solution to an out of reach cookie jar. 

Failure to achieve a goal is frustrating and with every successive failure it takes more strength to pick one’s self back up off the floor and more courage to keep in the fight.  We all have days where things just do not go our way and that’s just life. 

But, I don’t care who you are, we all have our upper limit and a point where we break.  If you have never reached that point then you probably have never be fully tested.  Those who have struggled to succeed aren’t always the weaker animal and sometimes those most visibly successful are weak. 

There’s a quote a friend shared with me that may only be fully understood those who have battled long and hard against an invisible (but very real) enemy.  They, like the little pig, have brushed off failures, ignore the pain of bruising defeat and charge back into the fight time after time only to see their dreams fall apart again. 

Here’s the quote:

“People who suffer from anxiety and depression are not weak…they have simply been strong for too long!”

For those who don’t understand what that means and are unsympathetic, let me retell the little pig story.  Because sometimes the most difficult part of the struggle is dealing with the annoying ‘help’ of others.  This is the story of a persistent pig, the impossible cookie jar and some unhelpful additional characters.

Persistent Pig & Unhelpful Friends

The persistent little pig tries and tries again to reach the jar of cookies sitting on top of the refrigerator.  But this time, after many failed attempts, another pig eventually arrives with their pig entourage in tow.

The newly arrived pig is tall and able to almost effortlessly reach the cookie jar.  The tall pig, also smells the cookies, takes one for themselves, shares some with their friends and then puts the jar back on the top the refrigerator.

The tall pig and friends, blessed with the fortune of the cookies, are oblivious to the little pig’s struggle and offer nothing besides the crumbs of their shared success.  So the little pig, incredulous and a bit exhausted but undeterred, continues to try to get a cookie. 

The other pigs critique the little pig’s effort.  One tells the little pig to “try harder” and another is there to remind them of how they are doing it wrong without offering any alternative plan.  The third pig taking a different angle contradicts “you’re too desperate.”  They whisper amongst themselves while the little pig struggles.

Eventually the tall pig, worried for the safety of everyone in the room, takes the little pig aside to offer some their philosophical wisdom.  They tell the frustrated pig “if you aren’t happy without the cookie you won’t be happy with it” and “the key is to accept this wisdom of the ages, and then the cookie jar will become yours…”

The little pig sputters in reply “bu…but why wouldn’t you just reach up and get a cookie for me?”  The tall pig, not understanding the question, scoffs at the protest “nobody helped me get a cookie” and adds “why do you think you are entitled to a cookie anyhow?” 

The other pigs content with full bellies dance and play.  However, little pig, after a few more attempts is now tired, still hungry and not in the mood to participate in the frivolous games.  The little pig sits too exhausted to move and too perplexed at the situation they’re stuck in to care about much else.

The tall pig, still concerned (but a bit indignant that the little pig would ignore such great advice) decides to try once again to reason.  The tall pig offers tartly “quit wallowing in your self-pity and make yourself useful to the rest of us pigs, then you might be happy…”  

The tall pig, realizing their ‘tough love’ should be balanced with kindness, apologizes for being “harsh” and reiterates how much he cares.  With that the walks away confidently knowing that they done the best they could and happy with their capacity to show true compassion.

So the confused little pig took a Xanax and forgot he was starving.  All of the pigs lived happily ever after, retired to become bacon, etc…

>THE END

Review Questions:

Which pig is the truly stronger pig?

Is it the tall pig who is successful, popular, happy and has great spiritual insights? 

Or is it the little pig who keeps trying despite the odds and refrained from kicking the tall pig in his arrogant piggy parts?

Faith: Persistence, Contentment or Both?

My Christian friends, especially the successful ones, are quick to remind those struggling that “godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6) They seem to forget that in context this is with the assumption that the basic needs of that person are being met. 

Furthermore, godliness does not absolve the successful of responsibility to meet the needs of their struggling brothers and sisters if they have excess to give.  Contentment with godliness is great gain, but contentment without Godly faith that helps those in need is spiritual blindness and failure.

Some Scriptural perspective of faith and responsibility to consider:

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” (Luke 12:48b)

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” (James 4:17)

In summary those who are of faith should help those in need, using the full extent of their abilities and it is sin to do less than what we know is good.  A person who has little and gives all is more faithful than a successful person who doesn’t give their best effort.

To illustrate faith Jesus told a story about a persistent widow in a parable (Luke 18:1-8) who pesters a judge day and night until she gets justice.  He laments the lack of faith that is like that of the annoying widow asking: “will he find faith on the earth?”

Sometimes loving like Jesus loved means making the good religious people more than a little uncomfortable.  Sometimes there is need for tables to be overturned and people to be chased with whips.  Jesus ruffled some feathers and those who follow his example will do the same.

Not all contentment is Godly, many seem to confuse their complacency with Godly contentment and miss an opportunity to do good.  But true faith is not content with the status quo when there’s something better to be done. 

That said, there is always that tension between faithful waiting and faithful effort, like what is captured in the Serenity Prayer below:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

So be both content and persistent.  Faith is not passive, faith is a pursuit and requires dedication, sacrifice, and effort.  Faith is content in that it trusts God will make all things right in the end.

If you get knocked down, overcome temporarily by fear, anxiety or depression, may God give you the faith to persist, to get back up on your feet and fight for those cookies.

The People Want a King…, Part 1

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I felt like the dog who finally caught the car.  I was perplexed with a question: Now what?

My goal in blogging is to make a difference with the ideas that I share.  I know ideas are powerful.  I want to share good ideas and debunk or discourage destructive ideas.  It has been my goal from the beginning to write things worthwhile in hope of creating dialogue.

It was exciting when Good Men Do Not Blame Women quickly surpassed my previously most viewed blog in a matter of hours.  It was also terrifying that my words were being read by hundreds of people rather than just the usual handful of friends and followers.

But, amid worries about if I had proofread enough and given fair treatment to a complex topic, I enjoyed my new found popularity.  I enjoyed it so much that I worried that I enjoyed it too much.

I worried that maybe I was ‘going negative’ instead of sharing something helpful and constructive.  Just a week or so prior I had remarked to a friend that people who criticize other people (not like them) seemed to build a fan club quicker than those who shared good ideas.

I had to think there’s a danger of becoming a different version of what we preach most passionately against.  I do not want to contribute in an overreaction in the opposite direction and abandon what is good in proper order or at the right priority level.

I had a taste of power that I both liked and that I did not like.  It provoked many questions in my mind about what would happen if I gained a following.  Would I be an example of the ideals in my mind of leadership?  Or would I insulate myself from criticism and become arrogant?

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  Great men are almost always bad men.”  (Lord Action)

The good news is that my blogger stardom was very short lived and—besides a few new friends—I’m back to blogging to my usual small audience.  It means less pressure.  I feel I can share again without worrying as much about my imperfections being amplified over a large audience.

The people want a king to lead them…

In the beginning God was sufficient to lead his people.  The patriarchy of Abraham gave way to tribal elders and officers.  Later Moses acted as a prophet and arbitrator in disputes. However, eventually it was too much for Moses, the task was taking all of his time from “morning to evening,” which led to his visiting father-in-law to ask him why:

“Moses answered him, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God’s decrees and instructions.”  Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out.  The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.  Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him.  Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave.  But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens.  Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves.  That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you.  If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”  (Exodus 18:15-23)

Moses took the advice, he delegated the task of settling disputes to other capable men and that became the system for hundreds of years. 

It was a sort of anarcho-theocracy.  The prophet was the liaison between God and the people, the messenger of God, but not a ruler per se.  The laws handed down by Moses were the standard for judgment.  Enforcement of the law was carried out by the people rather than delegated to a few people and judges a final arbitrator between parties as needed…

“At that time the Israelites left that place and went home to their tribes and clans, each to his own inheritance.  In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit.”  (Judges 21:24-25)

There was a time after the Exodus of freedom from oppression and obligation.  Judges came and went as heroes who did God’s work to save the people from captivity.  Judges were representatives and deliverers of the people, but not rulers like a king.  However, eventually, when a worthy successor could not be found for Samuel amongst his sons, the elders of the people made a fateful demand:

“So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.”  But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord . And the Lord told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will claim as his rights.”  (1 Samuel 8:4-9)

Samuel went on to warn how kings would take their sons for wars and daughters as workers.  He spoke of how the future kings would take the best of their possessions for themselves and for their own purposes.  Still, despite the warning, he did not persuade them, the chapter continues:

“But the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said.  “We want a king over us.  Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles.”  (1 Samuel 8-19-20)

The people were delusional just like their forefathers who begged Moses for a return to slavery and Egypt.  Despite Samuel’s warning of conscription, they apparently had an idea a king could miraculously do all the fighting for them and they ignored all rational concern.

A couple of the kings were good, David and Solomon notable examples, but a majority were more concerned with themselves, they all took special privileges for themselves and loaded the people down with increased burdens.  The prophecy of Samuel became reality—the people traded their greater freedom for a false security and eventual rule of tyrants.  Instead of protecting against oppression the kings became oppressors themselves.

Consequence #1: Increased Burden

“A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.”  (Gerald R. Ford)

Kings and government leaders promise big things to their people.  But what often is forgotten by the enthusiastic crowds is that nothing is free.  When a Pharaoh promised a pyramid for the glory of Egypt Pharaoh, he wasn’t planning to build it on his own time with godlike powers.  No, the people paid the price of a king’s grandeur with their own backs and we still bear the weight of the audacious promises of our leaders. 

The burdens never seems to be lightened either. Consider when Rehoboam took over after his father Solomon and was confronted by the people:

“Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but now lighten the harsh labor and the heavy yoke he put on us, and we will serve you.” … The king answered the people harshly. Rejecting the advice given him by the elders, he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier.  My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.”  (1 King 12:4-14)

King Reheboam was more concerned with pleasing his young peers than he was in listening to the people or the elders.  As a result some did not accept his rule over them and the nation was divided.  It is interesting to see this same pattern play out today.  Leaders pursue their own vision, they increase the burden on the people without ever easing up, which leads to division and eventual rebellion.

Consequence # 2: Increased Corruption

“Our country is now taking so steady a course as to show by what road it will pass to destruction, to wit: by consolidation [of power] first, and then corruption, its necessary consequence.”  (Thomas Jefferson)

Kings and government leaders represent a consolidation of power and with consolidation of power comes increased opportunity for corruption.  Many leaders rise to power on their idealistic vision, but once they have power the vision fades and the desire to hold or increase power becomes the bigger priority.  We may call it “special interests” and political pandering today, but here’s how the Bible describes it:

“See how the faithful city has become a prostitute!  She once was full of justice; righteousness used to dwell in her—but now murderers!   Your silver has become dross, your choice wine is diluted with water.  Your rulers are rebels, partners with thieves; they all love bribes and chase after gifts.  They do not defend the cause of the fatherless; the widow’s case does not come before them.”  (Isaiah 1:21-23)

Described above is the chipping away of principles.  Many institutions of men are founded with good intentions but become corrupted over time.  Corruption is a natural product of consolidation of power.  When power is given to one person (or a small body of people) they seem to inevitably try to use that power to secure more power for themselves.  There is no system of external controls that seems to be able to keep it in check.  Those in power have the tools to manipulate the rules for their own gain.

Consequence #3 Loss Without Gain

“If the people cannot trust their government to do the job for which it exists – to protect them and to promote their common welfare – all else is lost.”  (Barack Obama)

Kings and government leaders are established to protect the people against harm.  But, not only do they fail to be able to protect a people from harm, they themselves often another source of harm.

The strength of a king is not in themselves as much as it is in the strength of their people.  As Samuel had warned, a king takes and can only give back what is taken and thus a corrupted people produce corrupt leaders:

“You are destroyed, Israel, because you are against me, against your helper.  Where is your king, that he may save you?  Where are your rulers in all your towns, of whom you said, ‘Give me a king and princes’?  So in my anger I gave you a king, and in my wrath I took him away.”  (Hosea 13:9-11)

Installing a king ultimately did not solve anything.  The people still ended up taken captive by other nations as they had before, they also endured the abuses of power hungry and corrupt leaders when not in captivity.  They gave away freedom for security and got captivity because they were corrupted themselves.

People want a king to blame…

The paradox of kings is that kings need strong people to maintain power—but strong people don’t need kings.  Weak people turn to leaders to do their work for them, but a man wearing a fancy crown and holding a scepter is only empowered by those who do his bidding.

It feeds a vicious cycle.  When things go wrong people blame the king.  As a result the king is driven to take more power upon themselves or risk losing power they already have.  Of course, since their power is derived from other people this means taking more from the people who are able to give.  It can only last so long as their are enough strong people to take from—when the weight of dependents comes closer to outweighing those able (or willing) to provide there is nothing a king can do but manage the decline.

Only, it is worse than that, because as already mentioned, consolidation of power is like a petri dish for corruption.  So, not only do these kings give a convenient scapegoat, they also are too often the goats among the sheep and motivated by their own gain rather the good of all in the herd.  In other words, if a couple sheep get thrown to the wolves and it saves a goat from an undesirable outcome and nobody notices, what sheep, right?

It is exactly what king David did to Uriah.  David goofed, he got Uriah’s wife (Bathsheba) pregnant.  He evidently didn’t want to suffer the political repercussions and attempted to hide the adultery.  So plan ‘A’ was urge Uriah to spend some quality time with Bathsheba and thus disguise the origin of the pregnancy.  Unfortunately Uriah, a true warrior, would not go home to his wife while his comrades were still fighting and David needed another plan.  Plan ‘B’ was to deliberately set Uriah up to be killed in battle.  It worked, except the prophet Nathan knew and he confronted the king with a story about a wealthy man who killed a neighbor’s pet sheep.

And David was one of the good kings and probably mostly because he could admit his sins…

This post is about faith, not kings…

My point here is not purely political or just historical.  I am using kings and government leaders as a metaphor for anything (be it an institution, a system of philosophy or theology, a man, etc) that replaces our own obedience to God. 

We cannot expect the world to be good if we continually delegate the tasks of our own conscience to others.  Faith is about being the solution ourselves and not sending others (who we can conveniently blame for the eventual failure) to do what is impossible for them to do alone.  We cannot expect the fullness of God’s blessing when we look to men to lead us.  If God is alive in us then we must be the agents of good in the world with our own abilities and be faithful to our calling.

This is not a call for a return to anarcho-theocracy and judges either.  Kings and governments rise in prominence because the people aren’t doing their jobs.  Therefore, the solution is not to reform government, the solution is to reform people and make government irrelevant.  If we were taking care of the widows and fatherless as we ought, for example, what need would there be for corrupt welfare programs?  If fathers weren’t leaving their sons to be raised by the brutal streets, what need would their be for police as brutal?

“Every country has the government it deserves.”  (Joseph de Maistre)

It is a collective problem when the people demand a king.  It becomes an individual problem when the people finally empower a man to do their dirty work.  There is always someone all too willing to seize power—those with an appetite for power—who will take the glory for themselves and then delegate responsibility for failure to others, exploits position, etc. 

It is a spiritual problem.  It is often only our own sloth, envy, pride, mistrust, fears, poor judgments and overreactions that are reflected back to us in the immoral whims of our leaders.  We delude ourselves when we abandon accountability to God for kings that are no better than us.

Now, enough said for now, back to chasing cars for me…